Relationship Advice for Long-Term Happiness
Men like to solve problems, women to discuss them. So if a woman tells a man of something that is troubling her, the man will try to solve it.
She doesn't necessarily want that solution. She just wants somebody to listen to her. He for his part can't understand why if there is a problem it shouldn't be sorted out, and may even give advice on how to do so. Alternatively he may think it's too small, too trifling to discuss, and if his wife grabs him as soon as he comes in to tell him of the piffling problem that concerns her (and adds a few examples of her terrible day), he will soon accuse her of 'nagging'. The evening begins in misery and ends in catastrophe. By listening to a wife's problem, no matter how insignificant it appears, a man shows that he cares. By choosing the right time, a woman gets the attention she needs.
Understanding
Men and women have to play so many different roles today, that often they do not know what is expected of them. Neither really understands what the other wants. A woman tends to have more frequent mood changes than a man. She may have seen a TV episode, spoken to a friend, had a row at the office, anything at all can cause a change of mood. If her husband has not been party to the cause he finds this sudden mood swing hard to understand and respond to.
Lies, Big and Little
Sometimes a lack of understanding leads to lying or at least to garnishing or being economical with the truth. Women's lies tend to be of the softer kind, giving untruthful compliments or praise to save people from hurt. 'Looks lovely on you; thank you for a marvellous dinner; wonderful evening; beautiful colours, etc.' A man lies in this way too, but mainly to bolster up his self confidence. The fact that his wife looks good and is the best at this, that or the other reflects his own taste and good judgement . But if he continually flatters, saying only what he thinks his wife wants to hear, there's going to be Hell to pay when he forgets his role and tells her the truth.
The corollary of this is that if a wife tells her husband she only wants the truth, she must be ready to hear it. The man can soften his approach. Instead of telling her that she looks awful in the dress she thinks is so chic, he can say that he doesn't think she looks so good in this as the red, the blue, etc. - all sorts of ploys to soften the truth, but there is no point in lying. If there can be gradations in lies, the worst type is one to cover up a misdemeanour or bigger fall from grace. The object may be to avoid hurting the partner still more but the subterfuge is going to be hard to explain when the truth surfaces, as it usually does, and makes the truth still more unpalatable.
Dare to be true; nothing can need a lie.
A fault which needs it most, grows two thereby.
(A.P. Herbert)
