Understanding Lonely Hearts Adverts
Newspapers and magazines, however, still remain one of the easiest and most popular routes to meeting others. Of the advertisements in these outlets, a fairly small space is taken up by Women Seeking Men, much less for Women To Women ('straight' or 'single' for 'socialising and eating out'). A bigger section comes under the heading, Men To Men. With the exception of the Financial Times, where readers may be more concerned with making money than dates (though both together will not come amiss), the largest column of all is usually for Men Seeking Women.
As one example, under a caption 'Ladies And Gentlemen', one up-market paper highlights a cri de coeur. Beginning attractively enough 'chap 40, single, in back of beyond', the gentleman goes on to describe the object of his search - 'city based lady for cosy, cultural Christmas conversations and Tuscan hols'. But the heading 'Good cook and ironer?' leaves much unanswered. Is it the city based lady or the chap 40, single, who will do the ironing and lace the pudding with cultural Christmas conversations in the Tuscan hols? The answer may mean the beginning or end of a romance.
A dictionary of words and phrases can be useful in translating some of the messages. TLC for tender loving care is now passé. WLTM for 'would like to meet' is the 'in' word for an assignation. It should really add TBA, to be arranged. That escape has not yet been adopted. 'No hang ups' does not refer to the laundry. N/S is for non smoking, presumably tobacco. Somebody in a January advertisement still wants to 'pull a Christmas cracker'. The pulling is unlikely to be for the motto inside the wrapping. SOH (sense of humour) is naturally much in demand. Just as naturally but far more rarely is LTR (long term relationship).
Staying safe
The following rules should help women avoid some of the hazards inherent in personal ads.
1. When you get a call from a man, don't go out with him if he sounds angry or weird or you don't like the sound of his voice.
2. Ring up the phone number he has given you to check that it's his, and hang up when there is an answer.
3. Never reveal your home address. Meet in a public place like a restaurant, pub or shop. Tell a friend/coIleague/relation where you are going. In case anything goes wrong, give the phone number of your 'date' and where you can be contacted.
4. Devise some 'escape' routine, for example, a code word which can be given to a friend who rings your mobile at the prearranged venue and which can be used either to inform them that everything is OK or as an excuse to leave.
5. Don't accept a lift in the man's car. Use your own or order a taxi.
6. After three or four dates, you should have some idea of whether the man is 'genuine' or not. After that, you can decide what risks you want to take. Don't let sex be one of them, unless that was your intention in the first place and he knows it.
