Reading and Understanding Body Language
First Impressions Count
Greet your date with a smile. Conversations, like a baby, are at their most vulnerable in the first few moments of life. If you happen to be very short, very fat or think you are otherwise not particularly physically well favoured, go ahead with your conversation, ignoring your apparent 'defects'. Being short has proved no obstacle to fame, fortune and romantic relationships. Short Spencer Tracy's affair with tall Katharine Hepburn lasted 26 years. The other approach is to draw attention to and make light of any apparent imperfections: 'I'm such a fat cat...' with a smile, 'because of all the money I'm making' or 'I may look short, but I'm growing fast.'
Hidden language
You can get clues to a person's feelings from their tone of voice or body language. The job is to interpret them. Words do not only convey meaning. They are a way of hiding them. Sometimes what people are feeling is obvious, sometimes not at all. They may speak hesitantly when they are embarrassed or unsure of themselves, a not unlikely reaction in the circumstances of a first meeting. But you could be very wrong in your interpretation, so don't rely on it overmuch. As an example, a frown can be a sign of concentration as well as of confusion or disapproval. British Telecom's Talk Works gives some clues to and questions on body language:
Arms folded = Defensive?
Shifting around = Pressured?
Tight lips = Angry?
Frown = Confused?
Holding breath = Tense?
Reading the signs
When dining with someone, remembering their name makes a good start to the meal. But whether you remember their name or not, you can tell whether you are holding their attention by tell tale signs. Are they fiddling with things in their hands, or, unless this leads to a comment about what they have seen, are their eyes looking round the room? Such apparent inattention may be because of boredom, in which case you have been as vibrant as a dead duck (change your tactics). Or it might be that your temporary partner has such difficulty in expressing their own thoughts and feelings to a stranger that their attention has wandered. They might be afraid of saying something that puts them in a foolish light or makes them appear vulnerable. Give them time and space.
