Planning the Best Man's Speech
Make it memorable
Let's consider what is expected of a best man's speech, then let's set down the kind of preparation you might undertake. Let's first dispel one common (and dreadful) misapprehension. Don't be fooled into thinking that because the best man's speech is brief and (relatively) informal it requires little or no preparation.
Of all wedding speeches, the best man's speech is the one most looked forward to. You are expected to be funny, witty and revealing. You must be a showman, a stand-up comedian and straight man for the odd drunken heckler who fancies himself as the master of repartee. In short, you are expected to provide the channel for laughter.
Fortunately, you have three factors in your favour:
1. Everyone wants you to succeed.
2. Your audience has been well lubricated, and will laugh at anything even moderately funny.
3. You are the last speaker, and the audience has therefore been warmed up for you.
You have probably been acting as master of ceremonies or host, and are therefore already known to everyone there, and that might be a fourth factor in your favour.
You will be expected to reveal why you were chosen as best man, and tell a story or two about your relationship with the groom. People will want to hear about the groom's early years, and gasp at his (repeatable) indiscretions. They will want you to provide the prompt to laugh (kindly) at the groom, and his relatives will want to be mentioned or acknowledged by you.
They will also want you to read out any cards and other messages sent by those not able to be there.
It is very important to pitch your speech to suit the occasion and the audience. Get it wrong and everyone will shuffle their feet and squirm. Get it right and they will laugh and thank you for being such a jolly fellow. So it is important to start by asking the groom about the kind of guests he is expecting.
Talk to the groom's relatives, especially close ones. Ask them what they remember of the groom as a child: what was he good at, how did he get on at school, was he competitive with his siblings, what did people say about him and his likely prospects? Think about your own childhood, and how aunts and uncles used to talk about you and where they thought you might end up. It happens in all families, and it's a good indication of how the groom appeared to others in his younger days. How has he changed since then, or has he actually turned out just the way people expected?
Next, talk to the groom's colleagues at work. How do they perceive him? Can they offer you stories of the odd faux pas?
Speak to the parents of both the bride and the groom. You are looking for the 'Ah!' factor. Something to tug at the heartstrings. But leaven the sentimentality with embarrassing photographs, if you can persuade them to find some and lend them to you. You need something that can be blown up large and seen by the whole gathering when you produce it during your speech. So go for quality rather than quantity.
Talk to the groom's siblings and/or cousins - anyone who grew up with the groom and perhaps went to the same school. Here you are looking for unalloyed embarrassment. Usually brothers will be only too glad to dish the dirt about some unfortunate episode or two in the distant past, and perhaps even come up with a photograph the groom would rather forget (like Tony Blair in flares).
It's better to do too much research than not enough. You may not use all the material in your speech, but you will certainly benefit from the insights you will gain from your conversations. Who knows, it might even cause you to regard the groom with greater awe!
