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Developing Assertiveness Skills
Even if you've never considered yourself to be assertive, mastering a few basic techniques soon starts to reap untold rewards.
- Decide to become more assertive.
- Think like an assertive person, and think of yourself as one.
- Imagine yourself behaving assertively and being treated accordingly.
- Act assertively. Start by taking small steps. Keep going until the uncomfortable feelings fade.
- Use these affirmations: 'I think, speak and act assertively at all times.' 'I used to be passive, but all that is changing. I am becoming more assertive every day.'
- Mentally rehearse potentially difficult situations. 'Imagine' and 'feel' yourself handling them assertively. 'See' others responding accordingly.
- Practise assertive non-verbals. Be aware of the non-verbal signals you give out:
- Talk unhurriedly, with a clear, steady tone.
- Make a habit of taking slightly more time to reply.
- Give relaxed eye contact: not too much, not too little.
- Avoid fidgeting, scratching, and touching your hair and face.
- Make your point clearly, with conviction, and don't waffle. Then shut up. If you don't succeed straight away, say it again, and if necessary keep repeating it. Change the wording if you wish, but not the message. Stay calm and don't allow yourself to be sidetracked.
- Sign up for an assertiveness course. Make sure it offers plenty of opportunity to practise with other people. If this is not possible, buy an eduactional video or set of audio tapes on assertiveness, and apply it!
