Step Three: Relationship Building
When breaking new ground, remember the five rules of relationship building.
Empathy
The ability to put yourself in the other person's position and see things from their point of view. It may come naturally to you, or you may have to acquire this skill. Empathy is vital and it has to be visible. Your business contact should feel that you understand. When you hear him say, 'You're a good person to work with' you can be assured you've got empathy!
Courtesy
Engage with someone by being sympathetic. It will surprise them and make them feel human. Small talk can so often seem superficial and artificial. Get into real conversation with your business contact and watch for the warmth of their reaction. Look for visual and verbal clues to assist in establishing the relationship. Make your voice warm and engaging and use positive body language. Watch for any signs of mirroring to help you.
Enquiry
Use open questions to elicit information and encourage conversation. If you're having difficulty in eliciting information from someone, it can be very frustrating being faced with just 'Yes' and 'No' answers. There is one technique which is called 'the string of pearls'. It means connecting one thought to another. You can try practising this technique during the small talk process at business events. Openers, such as a book you've just read or a film you've recently seen, can be sufficient to get you started.
Interest
Keep an expression of interest in what you are saying. Be alert to the possibility of throwing in an unusual question or witty response. Sometimes humour is appropriate to maintain levels of attention. You can ask their opinion about something as a hook for making a comment. Don't forget to see the other person as someone of importance - put yourself in their shoes. If you can use this skill, you will 'humanise' your contact - after all, that's how you'd like them to be thinking of you.
Respect
Never assume that your business contact will have the same views and attitudes that you have. The world is full of different people, all with differing ideas, prejudices and opinions, and these may not be similar to your own. Their culture may be very far removed from yours, but that does not mean it is less important. You may find some attitudes and customs unusual. Working practices may seem positively odd. In order to build a working relationship it is helpful to be able to get on with business contacts. Argument and confrontation is not the best basis for building rapport!
If you can understand your contact's attitudes and customs, you may be able to respect these even if they are wildly different to your own. Respect your contact's individuality, and take account of what type of person you are dealing with. If you make a concerted effort to 'get on their wavelength' you will find this has a positive effect in subsequent dealings with them.
